The Year 2017
Matt Pain 2: The Fall of Flabslapper The Year 2017 Flabslapper was nearly finished with his first year of selling out stadiums giving his opinions. He was making over 50 million a year, like those EDM DJs. After the first venue he wanted to to just stream from his bedroom but their was a contract stipulation that prevented him from doing so. When Flabslapper wasn’t touring he was arguing with every gaming website accusing them to be bias. The money grubbing fucks at EA and Activision were in a bidding war for Flabslapper to make Let’s Play content videos. They were bidding in the tens of millions. Flabslapper agreed for the price of 80 million dollars a year to create Let’s Plays for EA. In which all he did was jerk off in front of a webcam with all those dollar bills. With his massive wealth, Flabslapper created a museum of himself and his accomplishments. The museum had giant statues to worship the presence of the all mighty Flab. Le Tran and Bladdercat made amazing statues and paintings. People thought what turned Flabslapper on was hot women, or hot girls, or hot girls in Middle school, but he had such a huge fucking head, he was turned on by the mere images and statues of himself. For their reward, Flabslapper just sent lithographs signed in his semen. There was buttons in each exhibit narrated by the Flabslapper himself. If one of the buttons was spammed, all the speakers in the museum shouted fuck you for the next 5 minutes. Flabslapper got multiple sponsorships and endorsements from Mountain Dew, Taco Bell, Doritos, Fleshlights, and sausages. Flabslapper was spending money like a chimp in a beat off contest, and also betting on chimps duels on which chimp could beat off the fastest. Despite massive wealth, Flabslapper became cynical about his career. He would just make videos of Minecraft Let’s Plays, talk about how AAA game development sucks, EA sucks, Activision sucks, Kickstarter sucks, Nintendo sucks, SEGA sucks, Stan Lee sucks, new sequels to the reboots of Total Recall and Robocop sucks, DRM sucks, Ubisoft sucks, The Nexon and Tencent sucks, season passes suck, gaming websites are bias and suck, and retarded shit fuck face gamers suck, arguing with other popular gaming personalities saying they suck and they are more biased, Social Justice Warrior game journalists, people that created PAX sucks, and his cock and balls. Flabslapper was in a meeting with his manager Michael Roger Suitman former president of EA. Mike - You’re doing well, but you only have 50 million subscribers under 14 while Pewdiepie has 80 million subscribers under 12 and 130 million subscribers under 14. Flab - Jesus fucking Christ, can’t you be content with 15% of 200 million dollars worth of revenue I brought in this year? If you want some more money make your own goddamn videos where you jerk off in front of a camera. Michael Roger Suitman went on for hours about growing the brand, and trying to be the first multibillion dollar Youtube/Social Media Gaming Personality. Flabslapper decided to fire Michael Roger Suitman. Michael - You’ll regret it. You will lose all your money and your empire will crumble. Flab - No I won’t. I’m successful and I’m too big to fail. Just before Michael Roger Suitman was about to leave, Flabslapper pulled out his .357 revolver and shot him 6 times, reloaded and shot him another 6 times. He later disposed of the body. However true evil never dies. Flabslapper was relieved that today was the end of the stadium tour. Mitch Rozetar’s Magentar band was the opening act. There was a huge pyrotechnic accident, that launched fireworks into the crowd, and half of the stage collapsed onto hundreds of little boys. All Flabslapper did was laugh maniacally happy that there would be less fucktards commenting on the internet. Unfortunately someone in the crowd recorded Flabslapper laughing at all the kids dying. After he told his opinions there was tons of reporters accusing him of being a monster. A reporter from Kotaku saw Flabslapper with a Chic-Fil-A wrapper and asked him why he hated homosexuals? Flabslapper responded “What came first the chicken or the gays?” Reporter mumbled “Uhhh.” Flabslapper interrupted him “Chicken, so shut the fuck up faggot.” 4 Social Justice Warriors in the crowd fainted. After gays Flabslapper ranted about Asians driving sideways like their vaginas, Hitler had the right idea but poor execution, New York City deserved the Hiroshima treatment. After all the rant Flabslapper had one question “How come Asian ladyboys have the biggest dicks of all the Asians?” Flabslapper mentioning the transexual community mobilized the tumblr force which spammed his social media accounts. When Flabslapper went home he had over six million notifications on youtube, twitter and facebook. There was nothing on Google + Since no one gave a shit or used Google +. Flabslapper yelled to himself “Fuck ya face. Fuck ya friends face, fuck ya families face, fuck everyone’s face!”Flabslapper was sick of the Social Justice Warrior tumblr people so he retaliated with Plan B. Plan Boner. Flabslapper uploaded as much gay porn as possible on facebook, youtube and twitter. Soon his 50 million subscribers under 14 saw so much gay porn. Every single company revoked their sponsorships with Flabslapper except Fleshlight. After uploading all that porn, Flabslapper was actually going to do a Let’s Play of Red Dead Redemption. Flabslapper forget the reason why he never played through it was because he sucked. Flabslapper couldn’t get past the second mission because he could drive a horse carriage to town. The comment section was filled with “What a fucking faggot he sucks at videogames. I play videogames better than him. He could probably play better if he wiped all that dried crusty cum of his hands” Another commenter xXx_BlazeitNigga420_xXx “I no some dumb niggas and they can beat this game. Flab u are fuckin retarded, yo’ mammas pussy so nasty ur dad got food poisoning when he 8 her out.” Another commenter xXx_WhitePower420_xXx “Niggers are dumb, but you are dumber than a pack of niggers.” Flabslapper got 200% mad, and quit playing Red Dead Redemption. Flabslapper decided to listen to his ipod, which it he sang along to Girls Just Wanna Have fun. Flabslapper forgot to turn off the Let’s Play stream. There was even more comments “I thought Flabslapper was a cynical shithead not some panzy homo faggot.” Flabslapper would have gotten 10 million notifications of faggot that day but fortunately he had temporary suspensions on his accounts so he didn’t need to see them. The next day Flabslapper walked to the local Gamestop to harass the employees and tell people to not buy anything Nintendo. Flabslapper saw this young beautiful girl with nice bouncy tits. She approached him “Hey Flabby I loved your Minecraft Let’s Plays” Flabslapper responded “You should come to my mansion and see me play Minecraft in person.”She went to his mansion. When she was about to play Minecraft Flabslapper said “Want to play a game more exciting than Minecraft? She said “Yes.” Flabslapper proceeded to take off her clothes. Flabslapper went down on that bush. It ended up with sex. Afterwards the girl said “ Can you drop me off at my house?” Flab replied “How old are you again?” She responded “14.” Flabslapper responded with “Bullshit no 14 year old has a bouncy tits and a bush that hairy.” I’m calling the cops if you don’t take me.....” Flabslapper went back for seconds. Flabslapper yelled at the girl and said “HEY YOU WANTED THE LOBSTER DICK! YOU AIN’T BLACKMAILING ME!” Fleshlight became the last company to endorse Flabslapper. There was no good way their PR could spin this as a positive. The damage was done, the cops were outside and he was arrested. When he was being lead to the squad car he saw the family that accused him. He said some last words before he got in the car “You’re younger sister was better in bed.” Fortunately Flabslapper was rich and had enough money to cover bail and court costs. He got off being not guilty due to his lawyer Richard Danger Hotsauce Carolina convincing the jury what he fucked clearly looked like an adult pussy and not kid pussy. When he became a free man his mansion was sold off. His museum of all his accomplishments was rotting. Almost all of his assets were liquidated. All he had was his lobster dick, hat, boob mug, and cynicism. He went back to his one shitty room apartment in Delafuck, or some east coast shit state. When he was sleeping on his futon he got a call. “Flabslapper you have 3 long lost sons Duke of Dwang, Willyfresh, and Kazmo.” Flabslapper “What the fuck?”